Playing In The Key of Zane

by Howl Jourdin

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released February 24, 2017

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Track Name: Howl Jourdin - BZD Draft 1
I look around this world, and don't always like what I see
There's hatred and there's evil, and so much misery
Children are dying in the street
Wars cost lives and too often they repeat
And it's hard not to feel helpless, what's the solution to all of this pain?
Well I think I've found the answer, and it's also the refrain

What if the whole world was Billy Zane?

Oh, imagine how great it would be, as you're going through your day,
You say hello! Hello! Hello! Hello to Billy Zane.
He's your doctor and your barber, your best friend and your old flame,
if the whole world was Billy Zane.

You'd live in a world without strangers, or the dangers they contain.
Every tavern would be Cheers, 'cause everybody'd know your name
And every heartfelt conversation would end with "I feel the same"
Because both you and I are Billy Zane

There would be so little fighting (I'm Billy Zane)
because everyone could finally see (you're Billy Zane)
When you're hurting one another (hurting Billy Zane)
"My god, I'm also hurting me"

Standing at the same height, 'eye to eye' can be maintained
Any misplaced piece of clothing would be easy to regain
Walking a mile in somebody's shoes is simple when the size is the same
The majestic size 12s of Billy Zane

If you need a helping hand, your own is never far away (at all)
If you require legal assistance just call Zane, Zane, and Zane (at law)
And sure it might be confusing, but everyone's on the exact same page
Of the Great Big Book of Billy Zane

We'd appreciate the same things (as Billy Zane)
And understand the inner workings of everyone's brain
So finally we could all be sympathetic (to Billy Zane)
To all of our neighbors, our brothers, all Billy Zane

Look, we're not saying "The world would be better if everyone was a white, straight male
But, if you require that other people be white, male actors who were popular in the 90s to be decent to others, we've given you a day.
See, that wasn't so hard, was it? Maybe now you can do that every day? Please?

And I know it's unrealistic or possibly insane
For everyone to change into him, I don't see a way
So instead we've set aside just one-- [just one day]
I wish it was Billy Zane Day
Track Name: Holding On (Very Rough Draft)
I saw her and now her heart's my only aim
Her long flowing hair, her petite lovely frame
And to think now that she'd be the one to blame
But anyway, I went to ask her name

I said, "Well, miss you are a splendid sight,
but I think you'd look better by candle light.
Take a chance, I promise I don't bite.
Come on girl, we'll have ourselves a night"

But then she turned her head, and laughed to herself
At this point I'm dead! I know she loves someone else
She looks me up and down and acts like something smells.
I ask her what the problem is, and then she tells

She said, "I'm holding out for Billy Zane, I'm holding out for Billy Zane,
Sorry boy, I mean you no disdain. But you can not compare to Billy Zane

I mean, his lack of hair? His half-opened eyes?
He's smugly debonair, how can I ever compromise?
Seeing him has ruined all these other guys.
The Titanic may sink but my feelings just rise

I'm holding out for Billy Zane, I'm holding out for Billy Zane
He's living comfortably inside my brain, where I can be with Billy Zane. (Hit it!)

Keep your heart of the ocean, Cal's the jewel for me
[Are you hearing me or am I saying all of this in vain?]
I'm not listening, you're no Scorpion King 3
[Don't you think I would be if I could? I'd have so much to gain]
I dream of Phantoms sneaking in and taking me,
[I wish you'd reconsider because this is a ludicrous constrain]
If they're wearing purple and a mask, I wanna make it reality
[Please, please, just entertain]

I'm holding out for Billy Zane
[Just anyone but Billy Zane]
Oooh, he drives me insane
[That son of a bitch just me insane]
So I'm sorry to abstain, but you simply have no claim
[So I'm sorry, and I'm pained, but my chances have been slain]
Because I'm hold ing out for Billy Zane
[By that glorious Greek god among men, Billy Zane]